与我为邻

Fred Rogers 真的好棒！这才是我们需要的儿童教育啊！

让孩子有自信，能接受错误，有爱自己和爱他人的能力。

It's you I like

It's not the things you wear

It's not the way you do your hair

But it's you I like

The way you are right now

The way deep down inside you

Not the things that hide you

Not your fancy chair

That's just beside you

But it's you I like

Every part of you

Your skin, your eyes, your feelings

Whether old or new

I hope that you'll remember

Even when you are feeling blue

That it's you I like

It's you yourself

It's you

I like

From the time you were very little

You have people who have smiled you into smiling

People who have talked to you into talking

Sang you into singing

Loved you into loving

Now think about somebody who's helped you along the way

For one minute, I'm going to time you.

Let's just take some time to think of those extra special people.

Some of them may be right here.

Some may be far away.

Some may even be in heaven.

Now matter where they are,

deep down you know they've always wanted what was best for you.

They've always cared about you beyond measure,

and have encouraged you to be true,

to the best within you.

An ordained minister in Pittsburgh, Mr. Rogers (1928-2003) is the show-runner and host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, a children’s program of PBS, ran from 1968 to 2001. What singularly distinguishes Mr. Rogers from his coevals is his affable persona (which is almost too good-natured to invite skepticism that it is just a front in front of the camera) and his far-reaching, forward-looking philosophy that “every child is inherently special” and he in earnest, “loves each and every kid in the way they are”. And Neville’s quasi-cradle-to-grave documentary makes an eloquent case of lionizing Mr. Rogers, it is a hagiography, but indeed, for such a saintlike figure, the “h” word is fair and square.

Collating Rogers’ own footage (of the show, his interview and other televised occasions, predominantly the one during 1969 US Senate Subcommittee on Communications, modulated by John Pastore, his cogent testimony which secured funding for PBS at then), the usual talking heads of his family, friends and colleagues, doling out succinct comments, recollections or anecdotes, with children-friendly snippets of animation, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? comprehensively encompasses almost all the hot-button topics and accidents during Mr. Rogers’ life: consumerism, racism, warfare, homosexuality, JFK’s assassination, The Challenger disaster, among others.

By conventional estimation, those aforementioned issues are simply not apposite for the show’s key demo (roughly toddler to preteen), but Mr. Rogers knows better and in the movie’s very first scene, he frankly muses that a young child needs certain modulations to prepare them for the real world, thus he becomes their modulator, inculcating cracker-barrel nuggets through his show, the Neighborhood of Making-Believe and his trademark puppetry, without dumbing down their nuts and bolts of. On that aspect, an affable Mr. Rogers is an indomitable force, and his endeavor’s vast beneficence is validated by the massive popularity he has amassed spanning over three decades.

Of course, one of the major curiosities lies in Mr. Rogers’ almost inconceivable all-around decency as a human being, which does not tally with our time-honored conviction that each person is a complex entity, what is Mr. Rogers’ dark side? That is a question the documentary tactfully evades, but on a second thought, if one’s dark side is rather disproportional compared to their oceanic goodness and sageness, why should anyone want to be a fault-finding rubbernecker? At the end of the day, it is Mr. Rogers’ indiscriminately wholesome christianity that gets the best of any dyed-in-the-wool cynics, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? is like its subjects, soft-spoken and well-intentioned, blissfully illuminating, whole-heartedly humble, an efficacious antidote to our troubled times.

referential entries: Neville’s 20 FEET FROM STARDOM (2013, 6.1/10); Marielle Heller’s A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (2019, 7.6/10).

从影院出来的时候，碰到两个阿姨一边抹眼睛一边说：“我知道我会这样，可我还是来看了。我需要好好哭一场。”

我并不认识Fred Rogers，可是从影片开始我就哭成一团，到影片结束，哭得上气不接下气。不是因为难过，而是因为太温暖了。

上周偶然一次抱着枕头的动作让我回忆起来了小时候被抱着或者抱着家人睡觉的感觉。也可能是抱着被子。那时候人小，随便一个什么东西抱在手里就觉得巨大，然后就有深深的安全感。再一次通过动作回忆起这个感觉，幸福地在床上打滚傻笑了很久，然后发现也很久没有这样傻笑了，再然后就被治愈了。

这个片子给人也是类似的感觉。你有多久没有被别人确定地、眼睛对着眼睛地说：

You are a very special person. There is only one like you in the whole world. There's never been anyone exactly like you before, and there will never be again. Only you. And people can like you exactly as you are.

因为文化语境不同，我记忆中其实从来没有听到过这句“And people can like you exactly as you are.” 所以在听到Fred笃定地说出这句话的时候，我联想到前段时间的不安全感，无法克制地哭了。（这句话是我网上找到的。影片里的版本还带有You are capable of loving exactly as you are的意思，更是戳到我心里。）

单纯地无条件地被安慰，这是打动我的第一层。

第二层是对不安的宽容。

油管视频

影片里小老虎对漂亮姐姐诉说着自我怀疑，漂亮姐姐安慰他，你不是一个错误。你会以为，小老虎就此开心地笑了，但是Fred没有让他这么做。相反，小老虎和漂亮姐姐的对话变成了一个自我怀疑和安慰的二重唱。不安全感可能永远存在，哪怕是毫无缘由的不安全感。但是这没关系，我们可以让内心多一个声音，把它变成一个二重唱。仅仅是这两者的共存就可以填补内心的缝隙。

Fred还在节目里邀请了一个马上就要动重大手术的孩子。他问孩子：“你也会有沮丧的时候吧？”孩子点头。然后他说：“但不是现在。现在我们很开心。”孩子又点头。短短几句话，表达了理解、安慰、支持、信任，成了一个二重唱。

第三层是在给予安慰时，Fred如何应对自身的不安。挑战者号事件和911发生时，Fred不知道该如何应对这些灾难。他自己也在深深的不安和不确定之中，不知道如何向孩子解释。但是他依然站出来，给予了一个连自己都不甚理解的安慰。影片里，他仿佛是用尽了全身的力气，在镜头面前藏起不安，录了几句鼓励的话，一说完就露出了“刚才那样真的可以吗？”的神色。我在他身上发现，一个人不需要成为一个完人才能给予别人支持，爱和支持不需要百分之一百的自信和笃定也能有它们的力量。

要说不足的话，影片试图对Fred的人生空缺进行填补，仿佛是为了塑造一个更完美的形象。这些填补我不知道是否有必要。但是如果未来再碰到不确定的时刻，我愿意再把这部片拿出来看一看。它像柔软巨大的枕头一样，像对待孩子一样对待我，唤醒我孩子时的思维方式。然后，或许，这个孩子能解决大人解决不了的问题。

“From the time you were very little, you’ve had people who have smiled you into smiling, people who have talked you into talking, sung you into singing, loved you into loving. Let’s just take some time to think of those extra special people, some may be right here, some may be far away, some may even be in heaven, no matter where they are, deep down you know, they’ve always wanted what was best for you, they’ve always cared about you beyond measure and have encouraged you to be true to the best within you.”

“You know, I think everybody longs to be loved, and longs to know he or she is lovable, and consequently, the greatest thing that we can do is to help somebody know that they’re loved and capable of loving.”

“You have to make each day a special day, by just being yourself, there’s nobody else in the whole world who’s exactly like you, and people can like you as exactly as you are, you are special.” By Fred Rogers

From the time you were very little, you've had people who have smiled you into smiling, people who have talked you into talking, sung you into singing.

Love you into loving.

No matter where they are, deep down you know they've always wanted what was the best for you.

They've always cared about you beyond measure and have encouraged you to be true to the best within you.

在此之前，我只认识一个罗杰斯，他叫卡尔·罗杰斯，是一位人本主义心理学家。

这部电影，让我认识了另一个罗杰斯，他叫弗雷德·罗杰斯，是一位几乎进行了一辈子的儿童教育家。

这难道是一种偶然吗？两个罗杰斯都有一种善良的面孔，都有一种对人无条件积极关怀的价值持有。

而弗雷德，关注的群体，是世界上弱小的一个，声音和力量都极其容易被忽视掉的一个。

弗雷德看到了他们，还看重着他们，为了儿童能更好地成长，他几乎奉献了自己的一辈子，甚至连自己的信仰也放弃了，不再进行神学布道，而是一门心思地为儿童建构起一个充满友善的邻居世界，在那里，讲述爱讲述理解讲述支持，也解释死亡解释恐惧解释自我也解释偏见……

我想，儿童的外表是容易迷惑人的，让人们把它们视为可爱的精灵，但我相信弗雷德是聪明的，以他的智慧肯定能逃过这些迷惑，但他还是深深地爱上了这些儿童，为他们奉献为他们创造为他们解释为他们传达，这份热情与执着，可能是由外界引起，但更可能是在内心生发。

有一点，他的认识充满智慧，超出大多数人的理解，即，儿童的世界不应只是滑稽和搞笑，他们也有深层理解世界的能力和需要。

这一点，我觉得的是他的过人之处，不将儿童看成是一个什么都不懂的人，而是给予了充分的理解和尊重。

有了这个认识，就有了之后的行为发生的基础，所以他在把很多善意和正能量的理念传输给孩童们，这件事我觉得真的很伟大！

他承认了小孩子的需要，小孩子也需要理解这个世界，正确的理解这个世界，不是披上红色风衣就是超人的误读误解，而是即使我与他人不一样我也不是一个错误。如此这般，他维护了儿童的内心，像植入了许多正性的信念（我是好的，我是有能力的，我是特别的，我是有价值的……），当它们不断在内心着生，它们会变得坚固可靠，不可摧毁，即使将来长大了，经历风风雨雨，也会展现出强大的生命韧性，因为ta的信念系统能量满满，坚固的不可摧毁。

而如果一个儿童，自小就是许多负性的自我认识（我是个坏孩子，我是个不听话的孩子，我平庸……）长大成人，其实去和ta根深蒂固的信念系统做一番较量的话，是一个比较艰辛的事情，试想这几乎是对一个人的重新塑造，工程量可想而知，而如果再遇见成人的固执与偏见，这个工程的难度又要翻上几番！

但是，现实却是，小孩子的需求似乎被没有被高高在上的庞然大物般的成人所看到，他们看到的是它们的哭闹它们的无理，或者很多时候他们并没有在看它们，这就导致儿童的世界建设一片荒芜，甚至是充满恐慌，因为儿童对这个充满着庞然大物的世界不熟悉，不认识，不理解，他们看到这个东西从眼前消失了，可能就会认为它是死了而不是藏起来了，他们认为母亲的离开是对自己的遗弃……他们以自己的方式和认识试图理解并掌控这个世界，但这些“自以为是”比较危险，需要成人的爱和关怀来安抚情绪，需要成人的解释和描述来更正认识。

所以，弗雷德做了很多儿童需要的事儿，做了很多成人忽略的事儿，所以他成为了一个极富影响力的公众人物。

弯下腰，看到小的孩子，微微笑，成为大的人物。

向弗雷德学习，他对儿童的爱与关注，他的活泼与童心，他的友善和聪慧……